“Are you married?”
“No,”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“No,”
“ . . . “
“I don’t have enough time.”
“Time is a very relative concept.”
“Sure.”
“It’s all about priorities.”
“Yeah, I work during the day and do martial arts at night. So I guess these are my priorities.”
So went the conversation between my pharmacist and I. This short interaction distilled a big issue between my X and I. We had a number of quibbles related to time. In South Africa, my part time position at the university resulted in me having nice pockets of free time during the day. However, I had to augment my income with teaching martial art classes in the evening. My X, on the other hand, had little free time during the day, but ample free time in the evenings. The only time we could really spend together was at night when I did not teach Taekwon-Do and there was an unspoken expectation that I ought to reduce my evening activities so that we could have more time together. I was, however, not willing to do that. Teaching martial arts was not merely an extra income for me; it is a passion. Martial arts are a way of life for me.
“It’s all about priorities,” said the pharmacist, and he is correct. The martial arts is a main priority in my life. It is in part why I am in Korea. I currently train in three martial arts (Taekwon-Do, Hapkido and Brazilian Jiu-jitsu) and would have added two more (Taekkyeon and Gomdo – sword fencing) if I could fit them in. Lest I find a future partner that either shares my passion for the martial arts (so that we could do it together) or respects it enough to allow me to do it, I very much doubt I will have a lasting relationship.
While having dinner with Master George Vitale a month or two ago the two of us where speaking excitedly about the martial arts. Sometime during our conversation he dropped: “This is why I’m not married. They all get tired of it sooner or later.” It is not impossible. I am friends with a married couple who teach Taekwon-Do together; since it is a shared passion it works perfectly fine. I also have another friend whose wife is not into the martial arts but we actively support him in his passion. She would often urge him to go to training. I don’t know if she just enjoys the lone time or if she truly cares so much for him that she finds joy out of knowing that he is doing the thing he enjoys. Both these examples are relationships I find quite enviable.
“It’s all about priorities.”
2 comments:
Don't settle. I think a major reason why so many relationships fail is because people don't choose the right person in the first place. They settle for someone who really isn't what they are looking for and they hope things can work out somehow. Trying to change someone is a common mistake.
I know I could never have a partner who dislikes travel or the outdoors.
It's better to be single than to be in a relationship that isn't happy.
Alanis Morissette lists a number of points in her song "21 Things I want in a Lover." She justifies it by saying "I have a choice in the matter." I agree.
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