Finding My Own (Hapki-) "Do"

 A photo of me and one of the instructors at the dojang -- dating 2007. 

I didn’t expect that I would feel so emotional.

Earlier this evening I went to see the Head of the Hapkido gym where I have been training since I came to Korea the first time. I went to tell him that I am discontinuing my regular training at his school and that I will instead continue my training in Hapkido on occasion with instructors irregularly, most likely over weekends. After explaining it to him, getting my black belt from where it hung between the other black belts, bowing to him and the other members in the dojang, and giving my final salute, I left the gym; feeling overwhelmingly sad. I have “outgrown” that school and the only way for my to progress is to leave it.

It is not that I have learned everything that that school and the master can teach me – far from it! There is still much I can learn. It is just that the ratio between what I am learning (and the rate at which I’m learning it) to the time, effort, and money I'm investing is not worth it for me at the present moment. I guess the language barrier has become a big contributing factor towards my decision. There is only so much one can learn via the monkey-see-monkey-do method. I've long passed that level in my martial art career. I am truly sad about leaving. This dojang was my very first and longest lasting martial art “home” in Korea. To tell my instructor that I’m leaving home is similar to a young bird leaving its nest. It is frightening. But it is also necessary because only outside the nest can the bird really mature. I’m not cutting all ties with the dojang; I will still visit there every so often; but for now, the bird has left the nest.

The moment I stepped out of the dojang, knowing that I’ve chosen a new path for my Hapkido-journey, I felt immediately homesick. I walked to a restaurant to have dinner, but had lost my appetite. When my food arrived I let it stand—pretending to let it cool off—for probably a quarter of an hour before I started to eat. While the decision caused melancholy, I am not regretting it. Another Hapkido instructor (and also a close friend) explained to me that there comes a time in every Hapkido practitioner’s journey that he has to find his own Do – “Way.”

When I arrived home tonight and read my emails, I saw a notice from a bookshop informing me that a Hapkido book I ordered had arrived. I’ll go pick it up tomorrow.

My Hapkido Future

Image from Wikipedia.Org

I find myself facing a hard decision. I’m contemplating not going to the Hapkido gym, where I’ve practiced since 2006, anymore. The reason is that I’m just not really growing anymore. At the moment I can learn more from books than from actually attending regular classes. The classes focus too much on things, for instance kicking, that I do not need to train in – I already have 15 years of kicking experience from doing Taekwon-Do. My purpose for taking up Hapkido was to learn the joint-manipulation techniques and the associated “circle”-principles. The gym I’m training at just doesn’t give me enough exposure to these things to make it worth the time, effort, and money anymore.

I’ve spoken to different people about it. My Taekwon-Do instructor says the problem is that my technique is too advanced so that the basics taught at these classes are not stimulating me anymore. Not trying to blow my own horn, but he is correct. I’m not really learning much anymore. He also added that the most martial art classes are geared for quantity (in members), not quality, and that this is inevitable due to the economic downturn across the globe, and also in Korea.The martial arts in Korea is big business, let none be fooled.

A Hapkido instructor told me what one of his instructors one’s told him: “If you want to continue learning, you need to travel.” The implication is that if you are not growing where you’re at, you may need to find another place where you can grow. He also mentioned something interesting. He said that my Hapkido experience had been somewhat reversed. Most people learn the martial arts by studying the techniques first and then extrapolating the underlying principles from these techniques as they become more settled in the martial art. On the other hand, because of my many years of martial art experience I learned the principles first, and then learned and understood the techniques based on the principles. For this reason I’m not satisfied with merely learning the simple techniques anymore. He is also correct. I believe that one correctly understood principle is more valuable than a hundred techniques. I’ve acquainted myself with much of the principles and now wish to practise these principles, but the current dojang does not really present me with opportunities to do so. He continued to say that in Hapkido, unlike many martial arts, once you have the principles down you should “find your own way.” This is something I’ve truly enjoyed about Hapkido – its freedom. However, this is what is putting me in a dilemma now. In order to find my own way I have to spread my wings and invest that time and energy somewhere else that will be more conducive to my growth.

Having to leave this gym is very hard for me. I’ve been there for four years now. It was the first gym I joined when I first came to Korea and I’ve grown quite fond of it and the Master there. I have developed a loyalty to the master and his gym. Unfortunately, if I stay, I will stifle my enjoyment of Hapkido and may end up quitting it altogether. Ironically, in order to save my practise of Hapkido I need to quit.

I’m still contemplating how I will continue practising Hapkido once I discontinue practissing at this gym, which will probably be at the end of this month.. For one, I’m considering private lessons with Hapkido instructors. Another option is to find other relatively higher level students and train with them. A third alternative is to start teaching Hapkido. The Taekwon-Do gym I’m at teaches a variety of martial arts and we augment our Taekwon-Do practise with Hapkido techniques. I could always include more formal Hapkido training to our curriculum. I know the gym owner will be open to the idea.

Kaput

Image from FunHighway.Com

Dis reeds Donderdag – ek het Sondag laas iets geblog. Verlede week was uitputtend. Hierdie week is nie veel beter nie. Die vreemde ding is dat ek nie kan sê wat presies my so kaput het nie. Hierdie semester is nie veel erger as verlede semester nie, maar ek en ’n kolega het beide vandag aan mekaar bely dat ons sien uit na die vakansie.

Ek is steeds besig om semestertoetsvraestelle te merk – dis nou al twee weke later. My motivering daarvoor is nie baie hoog nie, en as ek in die middag in my kantoor sit dan raak ek so vaak dat ek begin visvang – gevolglik probeer ek nou my kantoor vermy laatmiddag. Dit is dalk omdat daar nie behoorlike ventilasie in my kantoor is nie; ook is my energievlakke nie baie hoog in die middag nie.

Gister moes ek hoor dat een van my studente ’n vergroeisel in sy brein het. Dit ontstel my eintlik baie. Hy is so jonk! Dalk 20. Hy is ook ’n baie inteligente knaap en redelik aantreklik. Toe ek hom vandag weer in my een klas sien was ek geskok oor hoe maer hy geword het. Eerlik waar weet ek nie hoe om hom te hanteer nie? Partykeer soek ’n mens simpatie, ander kere wil jy net hê mense moet jou normaal hanteer . . . ek kan nie agterkom watse benadering hy verlang nie. Glo is sy pa oorlede weens dieselfde siekte, ’n breingewas. Ek kan maar net hoop dat hy ’n vol lewe gaan hê.

Op ’n ander noot, ek het hierdie week weer begin met Hapkido. Verlede maand het ek net glad nie kans gehad om Hapkido te gaan oefen nie. Hopenlik gaan hierdie maand beter wees.

So waarom is ek so moeg? Eintlik is dit niks nuut nie. My kop sluit nie af nie – ek slaap te min.

A Week in Review

Just some random picture I took.

What can I say about my week? I guess it was tiring. I prepared tests, graded assignments, got ready for classes, went to Taekwon-Do, did a Hapkido promotional test (which I passed), attended an 8:30 meeting where one colleague exploded in anger, spoiling my mood for the rest of the day, was told a“new responsibility” I have to perform that was not in my contract and which goes very much contrary to my convictions (so I’m going to ignore it and see what the future will hold), received notice about all the money I'm still in the red on my credit card because of my South African trip recently and the unexpected family crises that popped-up while I was there, causing me to use my credit card, which I'm paying off most from my March salary (hence I'll be quite poor during April and May), and the list goes on.

There were some highlights as well. I spent some time with a friend that I haven't seen in a very long time (she's not in Korea anymore and is visiting from the States for a couple of days), went to Daehangno and had great food, and enjoyed vespers (Sabbath evening, i.e. Friday night) at the church by the language institute where I used to teach. Also, this morning in my little cell group I got to share my view of God – NOT an arbitrary deity that says “You better love / obey / worship Me, or I’ll torture you in hell for all eternity”, but a God that values freedom of choice; a God that is unselfish. I hope that they find comfort in my understanding of God. I've also been listening to some good sermons this week.

Tonight I'm thinking to just stay home and watch some documentaries I've been planning to see. Tomorrow night I might have a friend or two over for dinner. And somewhere in between I need to do some grading of assignments and tests, wash laundry, do the dishes, clean my floors and go do some grocery shopping; maybe even visit a gallery.

So in all, probably a very ordinary week. One with its fare share of ups and downs.

’n Baie uitputtende week

Ek voel pootuit. Om een of ander rede was hierdie ’n baie uitputtende week. Ek is terdee bly dat dit Vrydag is. Die Sabbat kan my net goed doen.

Wat presies die rede was vir die week se uitputting is duister.

Ek het weer begin om te oefen hierdie week en was beide Dinsdagaand en Donderdagaand na Taekwon-Do, sowel as na Hapkido Donderdagaand. Ek het nog nie weer begin met gewigoptel oefeninge nie. Donderaand by Taekwon-Do het ons skerm (“sparring”) gedoen. Ek is nie gek na skerm nie, maar dit was lekker gewees. Saam met my oefen ’n groepie swartbelde (ons was vyf), gevolglik kry ek kans om teen mede swartbelde te skerm. Ek het lanklaas saam met swartbelde geoefen. In Suid-Afrika is ek gewoonlik die enigste swartbeld in my klas. Ek is bly dat my skermsessies op Donderdag nie te sleg was nie. Alhoewel ek nie gereeld skerm teen aander swartbelde nie het ek geensins sleg gevaar teen my nuwe swartbeldmaatjies nie. Inteendeel. (Onthou my dat ek later vertel van die moontlikheid dat ek Japan toe gaan gaan vir ’n Taekwon-Do kompetisie oor ’n paar weke.)

Ek het ook hierdie week vir my ’n pakklere gaan koop. My vriend Young se troue is oor twee weke en aangesien ek die gasheer is (soos ek verstaan is dit basies die seremonie meester), het ek gedink ek beter die deel lyk. En met ’n onlangse bonus het ek vir my ’n pakklere gaan soek. Young is saam met my Dinsdagmiddag om na verskillende opsies te kyk. Ek het toe vir my iets uitgekies waarvan ek hou en wat binne my begroting pas. Dis ’n suiwer swartpak (nie grysswart, blouswart of bruinswart nie) met ’n effense glans. Alhoewel die glans dit gepas maak as ’n aandpak, is die wol/sy-ratio van so aard dat ek dit ook gemaklik as ’n dagpak kan dra. Vroeër vandag het ek, Young en sy fianceé, Angelina, die pak gaan optel. Ek het dit aangepas en Angelina hou baie daarvan. Hieroor is ek gelukkig, want dit is allermins haar en Young se troue waarvoor ek die pak in die eerste plek aangeskaf het. Hierdie is die eerste pakklere wat ek koop sedert my matriekafskeid meer as ’n dekade gelede.

Die week het ek ook baie merkwerk gedoen. Volgende week is die laaste week voordat die eksamens die daaropvolgende week begin. Daarom moet ek al my merkwerk klaar hê, sodat ek hierdie komende week die studente ’n idee kan gee van hulle gemiddelde, agterstallige toetste kan waarneem en kan voorberei op die eksamenweek waartydens ek ’n nuwe ontsteking van merkwerk gaan hê om te doen.

'n Oog vir 'n oog

An oil painting by Carl Hammoud.

Ek neem al hoe meer gereeld werk huistoe. In 'n vorige inskrywing, toe ek vir die eerste keer werk huistoe geneem het, het ek gekla dat ek dit nie wil doen nie. Intussen het ek my opinie daaroor verander.

Dit is bloot regverdig, dink ek. Ek is tegnies veronderstel om vanaf 9vm tot 5nm op kantoor te wees. Maar Woensdagoggende neem ek sowat 'n uur en half af om Taekkyeon te gaan oefen en Dinsdag- en Donderdagmiddae vertrek ek 'n uur vroeër, sodat ek die Hapkido-sessie om 5nm kan bywoon. So in geheel neem ek omtrent drie tot vier ure 'n week af. Hipoteties gesproke behoort ek dan drie tot vier ure terug te werk. Daar is niemand wat oor my skouer loer of my dwing om op kantoor te sit nie. Nietemin, ek gaan nie meer kla as ek werk huistoe neem nie.

November Kicks-Off with an International Flair

The first weekend of November was rather jam packed. Friday afternoon I went for a Hapkido test. It was one of those quick tests, where I’ve learned some of the techniques only the day before and was tested on them the next day. Luckily the kwanjangnim (chief instructor) seemed pleased with my performance – so I passed. I’m a 1st Dan in Hapkido at present. Before I can go for my 2nd Dan test I need to do about 10 of these intermediate tests along the way. I actually appreciate these short-term goals, which conveniently breaks down the bigger syllabus in bite-sized chunks.

Saturday morning the previous student cell-group I’m responsible for was replaced with a new one. After the cell-group I went to church. Young attended there as well. Afterwards we went to the apartment of one of my colleagues. Bessie invited a couple of teachers and students over for lunch at her place. The meeting included some Americans, English, South Africans and Koreans.
Next, I went with Young to a church in Kangnam where a missionary Oriental doctor treats people for free. Young has been experiencing some sinus-problems and has been treated by this doctor a couple of times. Since the treatment is free, there was a queue of people so we had to wait quite some time. It was worth the wait to see the doctor pressing an inch long needle into my friends face!

I rushed back home to come get my wallet, as I planned to meet Lindiwe in the city for some shopping. I seriously need some more warm clothes. But once I got home I just couldn’t bear the idea of travelling an hour back to the city hub. So I decided to stay in Saturday night. I stayed up late watching Japanese anime and surfing the Net.

John doing a Hapkido technique on Simon.

Sunday morning I slept in and the dashed off to meet John (my Hapkido friend). John wrote an Hapkido article and needed some photos to go with it, so he asked me to take them while he and Simon (another Hapkido friend) demonstrated the techniques. It was quite nice to see Simon again. We used to train together often during my previous stay in Korea.

John pointed out the nice international vibe we’ve got going as we were walking towards the spot where we took the photos. We were five nationalities strolling through a suburb in Seoul. John is American; his wife, Yoshiko, is Japanese. Simon is English, his girlfriend, Jennifer, is Canadian; and of course, I’m South African. Then there was also little Mika – John and Yoshiko’s daughter (Japanese-American-Born-In-Korea).

Towards the end of our visit I noticed that I started to get a little irritable. I’m blaming it on blood sugar levels, and being hungry. As I’m usually very much a go-with-the-flow kind of guy people are often taken aback when I suddenly assert myself. This happened this afternoon with John as well. We were doing some Hapkido techniques when I brought up my dismay over the terminology of a certain technique. The problem is, Hapkido techniques are not properly “named” – not even in Korean. So trying to come to grips with techniques we often borrow terminology from other grappling styles, or just invent our own. The dilemma is that things don't always make sense (to me at least).

But actually, the real issue is that I’m a wordsmith. Not in the “always grammatically correct”-kind of way... rather in the “words have specific meanings”-kind of way. John pointed out that we argued over semantics and I was thinking – exactly! That is the point.

My quandary with semantics is not isolated to Hapkido only. I have a similar issue with how Taekwon-Do terms are translated from Korean into English as well.

Words are not merely words to me. Words are thoughts. Words are weapons. Words can heal. Words can create. After all, the Word created everything. (See John 1:1-3.)

After the visit at John’s I went to Itaewon where I met Lindiwe for dinner, after which we rushed to my campus for a gospel performance. The music group is called the Golden Angels. They are currently in their fifth ensemble. The current group consists of Korean, Japanese and Mongolian members. Next year a Malasian lady is joining the group. The music isn’t really my style of music, although there were some good songs. I wasn’t really in the mood to go, but Young’s fiancé, Angelina, was performing. Angelina did a delightful solo. She isn't a current member of the Golden Angels anymore, more but for this special concert they invited all the previous members join the show.

And now I’m doing laundry and preparing for tomorrows classes.

The photos in this post is are not Creative Commons images.