Don't Condition Your Child for Molestation!

Every so often I write an update letter to friends and family. The following is part of my most recent letter. Because I believe it such an important subject, I decided to post it here for a bigger audience to read. If you have children, please take the time to read this.

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This is a serious topic that I wish to address and I do so unapologetically.


During my visit in South Africa I got to visit with many family and friends that have little children. Something that disturbed me about my trip is how I saw parents unwittingly condition their children to be potential molestation victims. Parents sometimes asked their children to kiss or hug me, insisting even when the children felt shy to do so. I also took gifts to some of them, and especially then the parents told the children to kiss or hug me. Sometimes the children felt uncomfortable, seeing as they haven't seen me in a year or more and can't remember me that well.


Please, parents, DO NOT make your children feel obligated to give affection when they do not want to. You are conditioning them to feel that they have to do it, when they don't feel comfortable. Especially do not force them to give affection after they have received gifts. A simple “Thank you” should suffice. DO NOT condition your children to think that when they receive something that they have to trade it for affection. Affection should NEVER be bought and when you force them to give affection after receiving a gift you are in effect teaching them that affection can be bought. It is an easy thing for a paedophile to exploit the “good manners” you taught your child.


I do not have children of my own, so I shall not presume to tell you how to raise yours. However, as a self-defence instructor I believe that I have an understanding of some of the dynamics involving crimes of a physical nature. Perpetrators exploit people's cultural conditioning. Again, I besiege you, DO NOT condition your children in ways that can be exploited by the sick members of our society. I know you think that you are teaching them good courteous behaviour, but I reiterate, a friendly “Thank you,” is all a child need offer for a gift. And in greetings, if a child does not feel comfortable to give a kiss or hug, the child should not be forced to do so. A courteous “Hello,” is sufficient. You have to respect the child's innate boundaries. If you don't, you basically teach them that it is okay if their boundaries are violated.


We live in a sick world; prepare your children accordingly!